:: a pile of memory ::

not worth getting hurt over.…

have you ever felt you are marginalized in outer world you never expect??, Yap…may be it's a kind of phrase to express my feeling at that time. I even never predict such terrible thing happen into my life, but in the deep of my breath with all of my strength and the Blessing of Allah (of course), surely everything would be over, gradually. it was deep wish in the bottom of my heart.

I didn't think to be such an Idiot when I couldn't even recognized who and where I am, but such happen thrown me away from the way I used to be. I lost my self, identity as well as self confidence because of one thing, my own fault. It lasted more than one year, I just so clumsy to walked through my days, to be blamed, to be scolded (if known) or to be rebuked by my own feeling. Yap…it's kind of split personality, when I did something not in the right path and in opposite of my heart. "I felt just not being with it".

sometime I wanted to find fault of other, the one who led me in such manner, but again and again I just realized, it's nothing, no one will respect me but my self, no one will mend my pain but my self and no one will raise me but my effort. Hence, I tried to understand my own world without blamed others but my self. I tried to forgive and forget though deep pain count me a lot. in the split of time I froze to realized my mishap, looked back surprised that I lost many things. I couldn't back instead took brisk walk to leave. one answer and the only answer was fight it of. though it took plenty of time , did rack my brain, or broke my heart but it's my risk to get out from "such line-of-fire".

Thanks to Allah that finally find me the light to walk properly (insyaallah), even can't express a pile of regret,, but I am sure, am valuable enough to stand in this world, that let me to say "I am not worth getting hurt over".

"in Memory"
Jakarta, 170907
Alzrie